Tuesday, July 15

Promising Yellow: To Xena or not to Xena; admiration

I've been thinking lately about who I admire. Whenever I feel a bit nervous or exposed or intimidated I always think of Xena, Warrior Princess; she's like my own inner persona to shield me from the world's nasties and judgments! She's worked great for me so far, especially with leaflet-thrusters in city centres - grr!

But over the last couple of years I've found myself admiring the ordinary people around me and 'wowing' at their empathy. Let's be honest here, I think I'm fun and a good friend and will happily giggle at a good daddy long-legs
impression BUT I am also judgmental and impatient; not very Snow White of me!

When I'm behind a slow driver or I have to stand up for late theatre-goers I get annoyed. When I see someone's knickers through their leggings I can't stop my brain from noticing and having a second sneaky look. I'll always notice; looking is the first way we collect info about a person- but if unchecked my brain can form some pretty mean and small-minded judgments.

So I've been taking inspiration from a couple of amazing women around me who seem to have genuine - GENUINE - empathy and understanding for others. Those who's smiling face and encouraging nature put you at your ease. Does it really make a difference to me to walk slowly for a few feet because I'm behind a dawdler? Do I need to be so personally insulted because this guy has been standing in front of the exact part of the shelf where I need to look. . .for aaages?

As I said if unchecked my brain can quite easily form mean small minded thoughts; "Oh my word just get the hell out of my way. . . for fig's sake is he STILL there. . . jeeze, do something with that hair, eeurgh!"

I don't know where this resentful part of me has come from, I like people!! Is it just me? Is it left over from my days at quite a rough high school? Is it a defence to make myself feel superior and therefore better about myself?

Once I became aware of these thoughts I also began to admire the empathy in the people around me and have been trying my hardest to second guess these judgments before they're formed.

Maybe the dawdler has a really bad blister on her foot, maybe the man in front of the shelf has poor eyesight, maybe the people late to the theatre have been going through a rough patch in their relationship and were having make up sex. (oop, cheeky!)

I suppose I'm training myself to give people the benefit of the doubt and not to judge for some shallow little reason. Maybe the asshole driving on my bumper behind me can't wait to pick up his kids at the station, maybe he's DESPERATE for the toilet (we've all been there!!). Or maybe he's just an impatient idiot. The point is I just don't know but I would like to be the person who gives others the benefit of the doubt first,
                       I want to smile before I judge;
                                                    I would like to have empathy.

I'm sticking to it, determined to grow. I think it's quite promising and I'll be a happier person for it.
Promising Yellow, I think so :-)
Ciao for now
x x x x

Do you experience something similar? Are you one of the people with genuine empathy we should be admiring? Do you have your own promising idea?

photo credit: owl; <a href="https://www.flickr.com/photos/gsfcphoto/12785726184/">GSFC Photo Club</a> via <a Question; photo credit: <a href="https://www.flickr.com/photos/marcobellucci/3534516458/">Marco Bellucci</a> via <a href="http://photopin.com">photopin</a> <a href="http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/">cc</a>


  1. Loved your thoughts here. I was diagnosed with thyroid cancer two years and ago and have a new found empathy as you described above. I think I'm more empathetic and patient that I was before all this crap but I know that sometimes I still shout 'get out of my frigging away' to the slow coach in front of me on the road. Helps to blow off steam every now and then!!

    1. Thankfully, I've never been through anything like that, touch wood, but I'm so sorry you've had to. Nothing tests your temper more than travelling! I can go from zero to furious and back again in the space of 4 seconds when I'm driving along :-)

  2. I love this. I once tried to give up being judgemental for Lent. I lasted all of a day. It was the London Undergroud that drove me mad. I do try to be more empathetic and patient but as a result I can be a bit of a pushover. At those times then I probably do need to channel Xena. Thank you so much for linking up to #SundaysStars. Hugs Mrs H xxxx

    1. The London underground??? No wonder it only lasted a day, that place is probably the reason I rarely venture to the capital! Driving, travelling, even walking along the pavement, is there anything that tests our temper more???
      Thanks for such a lovely coment, I knew I wasn't the only one. And Yes, channel your inner Xena!! :-) x


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